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In the Face of Criticism

In the Face of Criticism

As a Leader, you will try to make everyone happy.

This will never happen.

You will try though. I do. I like to be liked. Who doesn’t?
When you are leading, you must make choices everyday. It’s inevitable that someone will find some fault with your choices. There are usually two responses when this happens:

8 ways to Grow as a Leader

Coach Ayers fist.jpg

1. Desire Growth

First, you have to want to get better. Are you satisfied with “pretty good” or just getting by? You may justify that you like to be comfortable in your job, but in reality are you striving for a reason to be lazy? Laziness is not a trademark of a leader. Lazy is for sheep. If you are reading this, you want to be a shepherd. You desire growth.

2.  Be Humble in the Face of Criticism

Correction is hard to take. But no one does it perfectly. Some of the best lessons I have learned as a leader have been challenging and hard. I like to think that correction from someone not only gives me the opportunity to change, but allows me to think through other perspectives. As a leader, you must have thick skin. You can’t build massive biceps unless you work hard and tear up your muscles at the gym.

3. Seek Wise Counsel

It is important to have people in your life that are readily available to give you wise and trustworthy counsel. I have 4 guys I regularly go to; each of these friends have a specific role in my life and how they counsel me in my leadership. Do you have anyone you can go to? One of George Washington’s best contributions was the invention of his carefully appointed advisors, known as the Cabinet. This wasn’t written in the Constitution, but he created this because he knew the importance of having a group of men around him to give him counsel. Who is in your cabinet? Do they know their roles?

4. Have a greater purpose

The famous quote by Eric Liddle states, “God made me fast and when I run I feel his pleasure.”

I recently had a talk with a mentor of mine who mentioned this statement. He talked about the importance of what I do and how I feel when I take part in it. Fill in the following blanks:

“God made me ________, and when I ________ I feel his pleasure.”

What would you place in those blanks? What is your greater purpose in your leadership?

5. Stop the Repeat

I have been an assistant coach for a number of head coaches who have said the same thing. “I have been doing this for 35 years. I know what I am doing.”  What I wanted to say in response was, “No, you did it once then just repeated it for 34 more years.” This should give you a healthy fear of repeating the same performance. Stop the repeat and get better. There is always something to tweak, change, or make better. Good leadership never settles for mediocrity.

6. Learn from Everyone

My dad used to tell me, “They teach you how to do it and how not to do it.”  Before I became a head coach, some of the worst coaches I coached for taught me a lot, mostly how not to do things. Are you looking to learn from the worst leaders?  They can teach you more than you may realize.

7. Read

Harry S. Truman once said, “Not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers.”

Read. Then read some more. Read with a friend. Read with a spouse. Gain new perspectives and further your understanding in order to improve on whatever you’re reading about. I try to read for about 30 minutes before I sleep every night. (Sometimes more if the book is really good). I sleep better and I learn something. Knowledge is in books, not on American Idol. 

8. Celebrate Small Victories

Do not be too important to be passionate about your role. Be enthusiastic with your leadership. Some of my favorite coaches to watch are Pete Carroll or Jim Harbaugh – their passion and excitement is contagious. Athletes want to be led by a coach that is charismatic in their beliefs. Do you believe in your own leadership? Don’t be too important to miss out on what is happening around you. Be excited about having Gatorade dumped on you after a win; tackle an athlete that just broke the school record; storm the court after a win. Show that you care.

Growth will happen when you seek it out. It will not happen because you were given a title. It is an unfortunate commentary, but a good leader is an exception not the norm. Be the exception!


How to Lead with a Difficult Co-Worker

Have you ever been forced to work with someone that is difficult? You are expected to lead with this person who simply has no intention of being a good and effective leader. In fact, they stink.

-       They don’t share your vision.

-       They don’t share your values.

-       They lead (if at all) with a different style then you.

-       Sometimes it seems they are trying to sabotage you.

Remember group projects in school. They were the worst because you were expected to do all the work for everyone else. How do you lead someone that does not want to lead? This one incomprehensible, problematic, obstinate co-worker may very well be the reason for all your frustrations in life.

So what do you do? And what are your goals for taking the following actions?

Here are 7 ways to help

1.    Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

- Look in the mirror.

- Are you being difficult in your co-worker’s eyes?

- Are you showing humility? What is the source of your frustrations?

- Are you choosing your battles wisely? What are you willing to fight for and what can you let go?

Goal – Ensures you to be mentally and emotionally prepared for the tough situation of dealing with a difficult person.

2.    Learn Their Language

- Study your co-worker.  

- How do they communicate?

- Learn how to speak to them.

- Do they prefer text, phone calls, and/or emails? 

- When in doubt, ask them what they prefer.

- Start meetings by connecting with them at a personal level. For example,

ask about their family, favorite football team, movie they saw, etc.

Goal – Ensure no loss in translation. Understand what they are saying not just how they say it.

3.    Weekly Agenda Driven Meetings

- Write out an agreed upon agenda list prior to meeting.

- Email it out and ask for feedback before you meet.

- Meet once a week at the same time and same place.

- Take notes. Ask a lot of questions.

- Communicate expectations.

- Maintain a shared vision, shared values, and a healthy tone for the relationship.


Goal –Ensures your relationship will be intentional, Time with them will be short, and always professional.

4.    Keep Each Other Accountable

- Conclude each meeting with an agreed list of objectives or action items for each person.

- Be smart about how you assign objectives. You might need to take on items you don’t want to do for the sake of the project or program.

- Give your co-worker items they are gifted at or want to work on.

Goal – Ensures an environment that is healthy. Your co-worker will feel valued and appreciated.

5.    Create Systematic Progress Reports

-       After 2-3 meetings, create a report of your progress toward your desired goal.

-       Gather feedback from your co-worker. Ask for input.

-       Ask for his or her opinions about the next steps to take.

Goal – Ensures progress toward a desired end or goal.

6.    Watch Your Mouth

-       Never gossip about them to anyone. This will always come back to bite you.

-       Lift them up when appropriate.

-       Speak to others about what you value about them.

Goal – Ensures protection of sabotage from outside influences.

7.    Always be Professional

-       You don’t have to be friends.

-       Continue to delegate to your co-workers strengths.

-       Agendas will keep you on task.

-       You are always at work with this co-worker. Keep your guard up.

-       Conversations are professional and intentional.

-       Remember you are not their boss. You are probably a better leader, but a good leader works with hard people.

Goal – Ensures focus on the desired objectives and goals for the partnership. This co-worker will help you get there if you allow them to.

Do you like this list? Did I miss anything? Leave a comment below. 

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